I am the BCP

I am prayer.

            I am community.

            I am God’s anointed.

I am the standing, sitting, processing,

            kneeling, genuflecting, all as able.

I am the gestures across the heart,

            the twiddling fingers tracing the Gospel cross

                        thrice.

            I am the stillness,

                        the stiffness,

                        the reverent,

                        the irreverent.

I am he/him/his,

            ally of her, zir, and singular them.

I am the erring and straying lost sheep,

            lost, because the resolutions rain down on me,

            the arrows of the hordes standing behind their high walls

                        their altar gates,

                                    their chasubles.

I am that oil running down Aaron’s beard,

            caressing his pomegranate skin,

                        knowing the ephod’s secrets,

                                    his cast of stones.

I am looking,

            searching for that love that endureth forever,

            searching for my “in sickness and in health,”

                        my “til death do us part,”

            searching for my dearly beloved.

Of those 1,000+ pages, where is my name mentioned?

Of the Rites, where am I a worthy partaker?

            Does not my history, 26 years and counting, give me authority?

            Does not my family of clergy and laity give me weight?

            Do not my education, my “thy before thee except after thou,”

                        my ἐκέκρικα, my experience,

                        my visions and prayers count?                      

μὴ γένοιτο!

            I am the μὴ γένοιτο.

            I am not Paul’s model:

                        the celibate man,

                        the polemical,

                        the God-damning

                        the eraser of false teachings.

I am not the good will on both sides—

            bearing torches and flaming crosses

            stabbing with my piercing tongue

            throwing brothers, sisters, siblings

                        from the rooftops,

            beating with chastening rods

                        leaving them to hang on fenceposts

                                    to give up their ghost.

I am the meek heart and due diligence,

            the people walking to the new creation,

                        el desamparado, el necesitado.

Wait, I thought I was a very well organized,

            very strategic,

            very well financed,

            very powerful hijacker—

                        then why do I get death stares?

                        Why do people want me behind electric fences?

                        Why do I have to work against the grain

                                    flailing my arms at policies smothering me,

                                                as I shout out to a panel

                                                            of men staring at each other

                                                                        while I throw the Bible right back at them?

If you know where that money is,

            show me, sugar daddy.

Nah,

I am the Texan, rising in support

            of my own voice.

I am treading the path through the blood of the slaughtered,

            facing the rising sun of my new day begun.

I am the weak theology,

            I am Te Deum, Hildegard, Bach,

                        Wesley, Willan, Price, Pulkingham;

            I am Montes, S and A’s.

I am solace, strength, pardon, renewal.

I am 高興歡喜

I am in print, featured in Church Publishing,

            not that other idea from long ago,

            left to collect dust,

            or suffer, scaffolded in irate and greedy beaurocracy.

I am página 284,

            las campanas,

            el órgano.

You can decide what you want

            in this ecclesia viae mediae,

But just know,

            I know how best to show God’s love in my life,

for I am the Book of Common Prayer.           

I Am the Reformation

501 years ago, Martin Luther nailed his 95 theses on the doors of All Saints’ Church in the German speaking region of Europe. I had heard of this and heard it mentioned again and again in different classrooms to explain how the Reformation began. However, it was not until recently that I actually read that famous text: 95 sentences, each one more polemical than the last, to condemn the practice of selling indulgences (basically, using money to be guaranteed a spot in heaven). Now, this document was not one that I was hoping would explain all of what came out of the Reformation. There is no mention of congregational singing. There is no mention of translating the Bible into
languages people actually spoke. But, I realized it was just the first step in that direction.

Christianity suffers from seizures of power throughout history, with the victors putting in their own twists in order to promote their own agenda. However, alongside those power struggles, we see people standing up for what is just and fair. Our whole faith started with Jesus, who stood up for
the oppressed against all those in power. At the start of the Reformation, Luther stood up to an institution of preachers and even the papacy to fight for the poor. Today, we have countless theologians, laypeople, clergy, musicians, and many other kinds of people fighting to open up the doors in our churches to all of those who have been oppressed for ages. We are all still doing the
work that Jesus commanded us to do from day one.

Today, we take for granted that we have a Book of Common Prayer in a language we can understand. We take for granted that we have so many songbooks with hymns and songs from our different traditions. We take for granted that we can actually play maracas and sing to our heart’s content when we are in church. It was because of the movement that Luther began, one of standing up to oppressors, that we could have all these things. But we can’t just stop there. We now have a responsibility to stand up for those who are still being marginalized in our society. We still have
congregations that say that trans people are sinning against God. We still have clergy and powerful laypeople deciding whether same-sex couples are sacred or not. We still have music directors and influential musicians who think that non-white-European voices are not worth listening to in our liturgies. There is a lot of work to be done, but by living our lives with Christ at the center, we can continue to lift up the voices of all of those around us. Jesus called us to reform our Church so that all can be welcomed. Let’s live in that teaching. Let’s be the Reformation.

Day 156: Putting down the Stones

So when they continued asking Him, He raised Himself up and said to them, "He who is without sin among you, let him throw a stone at her first."  John 8:7

I always find this story to be one of the most intense in the bible.

I'm sure there are many LGBT people who have heard this same accusation placed on them, that "the sin for this punishment is death by stoning."  The idea of stoning to death is so heavy for me as a gay man, and it's something that I fear every day I live.  I fear that my expression of who I am is threatening my very existence here in the United States.  We can talk all about those other countries, the ones where they speak differently, believe differently, and look differently and how they have so much intolerance, but I find much of that hatred to be mainstream here in a country I'm sometimes reluctant to call home.  On top of there being this sort of animosity from the outside, I also feel uncomfortable (although not as much as to fear for my life) among people that I would love to call family: gay brothers and sisters, transgendered, non-binaries, people who don't fit in with the rest of the mainstream culture.  Yes, as a Christian, I have felt much animosity, such as the questions, "Why do you associate with them?" or, "Why do you pray to their God?"  or, "Isn't that just contradictory?"

I feel pelted, at the very least, by pieces of gravel on a constant basis.  Sure, I'm not being killed nor tortured physically, and I pray that I never will be.  Yet, I find the contradictions to be the same from two (supposedly opposing) sides: love is all, unless you're different.

If we look to the beginnings of Christianity, we find ourselves a man who was radical and odd.  He opposed the teachings of the day, challenging the highest teachers.  In fact, he would end up teaching them, and many would even be foolish enough (seemingly, at least) to follow after him.  He claimed to know more than all the teachers from before - a man who doesn't even seem to have left us a written book.  Yet, his message was the same: love one another.  Jesus teaches us every day that we need to love one another as he loves us.  He teaches us that we need to be there for all those in need, not just the ones who look and act as you do.  He teaches us that we need to build up a community with love at the center.

As I have been getting more familiar and involved with the LGBT community, I have learned a few mantras that keep the community together, and the biggest one is: love.  Yet, on the inside, I feel that many of those in the community have forgotten the first days of our revolution, the riots at Stonewall Inn.  Trans women cried for all of us to love one another without judgment.  But, today, gay Christians cannot be trusted nor respected.  The color of your skin determines where you belong, whether top or bottom, masculine or feminine, skinny or fat, young or old.  I find that our own community is hurling stones towards one another rather than making the world a better, more welcoming place.

This change, of course, doesn't happen instantaneously.  In the story above, the people leave gradually, not all at once.  I wonder how long the departure must have taken.  How awkward was the situation?  Where was the pile of stones?  We may never know, but we do know that love prevailed in the end.  Loving unconditionally requires each one of us to reexamine our lives, figuring out what things we have learned and/or taught ourselves are harmful to our community.  It's only whenever we get rid of all those prejudices that we actually start to build up a meaningful community.  When we focus our lives on love and not on judgment we start to forge strong relationships with one another, for those are manifestations of our love that we have.

Words

"For it is not you who speak, but the Spirit of your Father speaking through you." (Matthew 10:20)
This reminds me of a popular movie technique where, well into the movie, a distraught person will have a monologue, and as soon as she's into her speech, the voice changes to her mentor from a much earlier part of the movie.  It also reminds me of how, after watching a series so much, one can quote many parts during everyday conversations at very apt times.  That is what we need to be doing as Christians.  When we live and breathe the Word of God, and when we accept the Holy Spirit, we will not be lost for words.  In another event in Jesus' life, the devil tempts Him with Bible verses, but Jesus knew the word so well that He was able to give the correct answers to every temptation.  In the same way, when people who are outspoken with just one measly verse of the Bible confront us, we must be armed with the Word of Truth.  The only solution for all of our situations is the Holy Word and the Word Incarnate, who is Jesus Christ.

Lord of the Harvest

"The harvest is plentiful, but the laborers are few; therefore ask the Lord of the harvest to send out laborers into his harvest." (Luke 10:2)
The harvest means that there is already a community out there.  There are already plants with fruits and vegetables waiting to be picked.  There are plants waiting to be seen.  One image that comes to mind with this is the entire concept of coming out.
Coming out is (currently) our lifelong task.  We have to come out to every new person we meet.  We have to discern whether it is worth us coming out at certain times or not.  How scary it is to come out when we have preconceived notions about a person.  How even scarier, though, when we actually know a person's beliefs see us at fault.  However, what joy it is to come out to an ally or another member of our queer family! We find another being just waiting to be seen and understanding what tribulations we have been going through.
Unfortunately, it is another uncomfortable experience to come out as Christian to someone in this same family.  It is an even greater joy and relief when we find another queer Christian.
That's what Jesus is telling us.  The harvest is plentiful.  Our LGBT family is strong and proud.  Our LGBT family is thirsting for God.  The laborers (right now, at least) are few.  Not only must we pray for more laborers, we must also bring out new queer Christians to become laborers.  We need to proclaim the Gospel that there is One who listens to us when we are beat up right in front of our house.  There is One who listens to us when we are being damned by everybody else.  There is One who loves us at all times in all areas.  There is One who forgives us.
Yes, the Lord of the harvest is providing the workers in these harvest fields today.

The Few

Today, the gospel is a little peculiar, for it sounds as if Jesus judges people based off of their clothing.  Sure, maybe not everybody has the best clothes to win a contest at every dinner party he attends.  However, Jesus gives us a good hint: Many are called, but few are chosen (Matthew 22:14).
Look at us today.  Many men and women have given up their lives so that we, the LGBT community, may have rights, and that we may walk, and that we may hold hands.  Many are working today in all facets of society, from government lobbyists, to priests, to soup kitchen workers, to teachers, and everybody in between.  Yet, we still go about and curse our neighbors.  We go out of our way to discriminate and divide our family.  We say, "bears over there, and queens over here; femmes here, twinks there."  How many of our LGBT martyrs have called on us to be united? How many of them have died for our cause?  Did they want us to hate ourselves as much as, supposedly, everybody else hates us already?  Did they want us to hurt each other?  Did they want us to separate ourselves into a niche where only the rich, the modelesque, and the outspoken can be?
All of our great LGBT figures have set up a banquet for us.  They have cooked us the bread of brother/sisterhood.  They have set for us a tablecloth of values.  They have given us seats of rights.  They have poured out the wine of joy.  And, yet, we go in and trash the table.  We tear the cloth.  We spit on the bread.  We spill the wine.
In the same way, God calls us to love.  God gave us Jesus, and God gives Him to us as a grand feast.  Do we welcome Him with the best that we have?

Appearance

"As for what fell among the thorns, these are the ones who hear; but as they go on their way, they are choked by the cares and riches and pleasures of life, and their fruit does not mature." (Luke 8:14)
Money is a typical issue here, but I feel that social stature is something that we like to go after.  We choke the gospel of love by saying things like, "this brand is the only way I'll be accepted," or, "this is how much I need to weigh to be accepted."  We place other humans before God.  God loves us.  God has been telling this since day one.  There has never been a day without God's love.  It is only we who have added ceremonies upon ceremonies, rituals, and customs to make this love become convoluted.  We care more about our public appearance rather than in our own duties as Christians.  Instead of planting thorns around our lives, let us be receptive to all of God.  Let's receive God's love without a concern.

Weep

Today's gospel is one of my favorites for two reasons.  The lesser reason is because Jesus uses a lovely passive aggressive technique in front of the Pharisees, which makes me think that Jesus had quite the sense of humor and a wit about Him.  The greater reason is because Jesus did not hesitate about the woman who came to Him.  Now, many other times in the gospel we see that Jesus forgives people's sins and then they're off on their merry way.  This instance, however, shows us an example of what we are to be.  Aside from the row between the Pharisees and Jesus, the woman comes to Jesus, weeping (Luke 7:38).
Weeping!
She took off her stern mask and began to give herself completely to Jesus.  She broke a jar of ointment on His feet.  She gave Him her all.
Let's take our time to take off our wig, wipe down our glitter and eye shadow, and surrender ourselves to God.  For when the situation gets tough, and you face persecution from the highest religious leaders, Jesus will fight for you.  Jesus will exalt you and send you off on your way, for He forgives sins and blesses you!

Simon Says

~God loves us.
~Except for the conservative.
~Except for the liberal.
~Except for the drag queen.
~Except for the butch.

Why do we add these issues into the most basic statement about our God?  Why do we judge against others, let alone our own community?  Today's gospel has a very interesting metaphor.  "The people of this generation are like children sitting in the marketplace and calling to one another,
'We played the flute for you,
and you did not dance;
We wailed,
and you did not weep.'" (Luke 7:32)
This image was a game that worked in the exact opposite way of Simon Says.  When the children pretended to be musicians, some other children were supposed to react differently to what kind of music they were playing.
It is just a game.
How, then, can we be compared to a children's game?  How can we be called mindless?
How about when we turn away from the gospel, a song of worship and praise? How about when we condemn others while God is reaching out for us with God's mercy?
You see, we play with God as if we were the other children refusing to follow the lead, whereas God is very serious about love and mercy.
Let's cut the games and give God our undivided attention.

The Judge

"Do not judge, and you will not be judged; do not condemn, and you will not be condemned.  Forgive, and you will be forgiven; give, and it will be given to you.  A good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, will be put into your lap; for the measure you give will be the measure you will get back." (Luke 6:37-38)
God is the ultimate judge in our lives.  We can go around, pointing fingers and cursing everyone around us, but God will determine who is in the right and who is in the wrong.  After presenting a method for living a meek and humble life, Jesus reminds us that when we point a finger, three point back.  This also reminds me of another verse where Jesus reminds His followers that a house divided will fall (Mark 3:25).  Thus, let's stop pointing our fingers of blame to one another.  Let's not divide ourselves among our looks and our feelings.  Instead, let us love one another.  Let us love our LGBT family.  Let us stand as a mighty house built on God, our sturdy stone foundation!

God Is Unfailing

"But you are always the same, and your years will never end."
(Psalm 102:27)
Today's readings concern the times of trials.  Jesus reassures us of God's mercy and grace with the beatitudes.  Paul stands up against the authorities and speaks out to the Jews with a sermon that is nothing more than a summary of his life: a living testimony.  People escorted Paul around like a wild cow: always wandering but never belonging.  However, Paul preached without wavering.  I believe that that is how we should be as well.  We must live our lives in Christ at all times, regardless of what is going on around us.  Jesus always teaches us to give our lives to God, for God will use us how we need to be used.  Our will becomes God's.  So in the face of a test, remember that God is there with us (1 Corinthians 10:13).  When your LGBT family asks why God, simply remind them that you are of the same family, and live your life as a testimony to the goodness of God!

Radical Faith

What is radical faith?
It is leaving your pages scattered, coins strewn, time card blank, and following your savior (Luke 5:28).  It is saying a prayer before your meal while wearing a rainbow bracelet and holding the hands of your partner.  It is inviting your fellow LGBT friends to church, worship nights, bible studies, fellowships.  It is reading the Bible and contemplating God from your bedroom.  It is asking God for guidance when no other "pastor," "priest," "bishop," "minister," or "pope," would or will.
Radical faith is just a relationship with God.

God's Authority

"For with authority and power he commands the unclean spirits, and out they come."  (Luke 4:36)
To whom do we give the authority in our lives?  Do we give it to money? To our boss? To the stars on the top 40 list? To Ru Paul?
Sometimes we can forget the simplicity of God's message.  God's love for us is manifested in Jesus Christ.  And yet, we like to complicate things by putting other things before God in our lives.  Why do we give more power to a song on iTunes than to the One who can save us from all of our sin, our sadness, or our loneliness?  When we take a step back, just as the Jews did before Jesus, we can witness the grandeur of God and all that God does for us.

They Will Know We Are Christians

Today's gospel reading applies very well to our community today.  Recently, I have read an article talking about how it was difficult for one gay Christian to find communities of gay Christians all over the United States.  Mikah Meyer said that, "when I interacted with local LGBT communities, they often mocked me for being Christian."  A fellow member of the LGBT family was condemned among his own distant relatives (figuratively speaking) was rejected for being Christian.  In the same way, Jesus was also not accepted in His own hometown.  He says, "Truly I tell you, no prophet is accepted in the prophet's hometown." (Luke 4:24)  It was then that He was driven out of the city by a crowd so large that they did not even notice when He had fled from them.
So, what is there to do?  Sure, we can gather in secluded communities and praise God.  However, that is contrary to Jesus's command to go out and preach the Gospel, the Good News of God's Kingdom and love for all of us.  What we can do is to live our lives in a Christian way.  Show love to all of your friends, enemies, and strangers.  Be a good host.  Live kindly.  Share with the less fortunate.  In this way, we can find our own divine joy, and, as a result, we can be radiate the grace of God.  Then, when the "why are you always happy?" or "why are you always so lucky?" or "why are you so positive?" questions come, explain the goodness of Jesus Christ living in each of our lives.

Here is Mikah Meyer's article:
http://www.believeoutloud.com/latest/journey-find-lgbt-christians

when I interacted with local LGBT communities, they often mocked me for being Christian. - See more at: http://www.believeoutloud.com/latest/journey-find-lgbt-christians#sthash.ofc650AB.dpuf

when I interacted with local LGBT communities, they often mocked me for being Christian. - See more at: http://www.believeoutloud.com/latest/journey-find-lgbt-christians#sthash.ofc650AB.dpuf

when I interacted with local LGBT communities, they often mocked me for being Christian. - See more at: http://www.believeoutloud.com/latest/journey-find-lgbt-christians#sthash.ofc650AB.dpuf

God's Word

This morning's readings bring the power of and the necessity for God's word to mind.  The resounding theme is the text of David's grand psalm, particularly, "Your word is a lantern to my feet and a light upon my path." (Psalm 119:105)
Sometimes we forget about what a gift light is for us.  It shows us the way, especially in the midst of darkness.  How many times are we in the darkness?
Jesus was tempted in the deserts by the devil, an event I can only imagine as a dark scene with the evil attempting to quench the burning light of God.  However, Jesus, being the Word in flesh, the embodiment of God's Word, shuts the devil up with great quotes from scripture.  In another instance in the book of Esther, we see how Mordecai, the devout Jew, is not remembered for his good deeds and is even being conspired against—another moment of darkness.  But, through his own respect and life in God, the king finally praises him, and, in the reading for tomorrow, punishes the advisor who had conspired against Mordecai.
And what about us? What kinds of darkness are we going through?  On the surface, sometimes we prefer to retreat from the light of God into the darkness of bars and clubs and motel rooms.  Sometimes we like to retreat into the darkness of closing our eyes to the radiance of Jesus.  Even more so, we face persecution from many out there who wish to exterminate the LGBT community.  They like to throw bible verses and shout and shoot and stone and beat.  But, remembering the psalm, we too can rest assured that God's love is here for us.  In God's word we can find all the comfort we need.  The Bible is a testament to God's love for each and every one of us.  There is darkness, but the light of reconciliation and, ultimately, salvation outshines and extinguishes the darkness.

God's Grace

So, today's readings are all about God's grace.  The parable for today can seem difficult to understand, for it exhibits what seems to be inequality among the workers.  However, as Jesus says, "Is it not lawful for me to do what I wish with my own things? Or is your eye evil because I am good?" (Matthew 20:15, NKJV)  This passage reminds me of another parable, where a servant is forgiven of all of his debts, but then that same servant goes out to demand the debts of his workers.  After remembering that, I remember what I did yesterday.
I had decided to wear a new shirt that my mom had gotten me two weeks ago.  The thing about the shirt is that it was a tank top, a shirt style I had never worn before (gasp! I know).  Moreover, it had the word "proud" written in rainbow letters on the front. So, when I was walking about, I felt a little bare and nervous, but that did not stop me entirely from going about my normal day.  When I walked to the pizza joint just outside of my house, I hesitated to walk any farther, for a man was walking in before me: baggy, long sleeved shirt reading "Born Fly" on the back, pants sagging lower than the knees, basketball shorts breathing in the wind, and tattoos on either cheekbone and forehead.  He placed his order.  I placed mine.  He got his food and took a seat.  I got my food to go.  There was no interaction between the two of us, and there was no harm done.  No harm.
I judged.  I projected my own prejudices towards that man.  I accused him of planning and conspiring things against me and all of my fabulous family that had never crossed his mind.  In fact, it crossed my mind before his.  Who am I to determine what he is going to do? Who am I to judge him for his outward appearance? Who am I to take out my own fears and angers on him?
In the same way, who are we to judge who gets God's grace? Who are we to call ourselves saints and everybody else sinners?  God has the last say.  God has the grace and the punishments.  I, like Jonah, must eat my hateful thoughts.  I, like Christ, must prepare myself as a worthy sacrifice to the living God, the God of abounding grace and reluctant punishment.